In Retrospect
by animeninjaNIPPON
Summary: Dib goes back in time to stop Zim from landing on Earth, but makes his future even worse in doing so... [ZADF, later ZADR]
1. The Zim Files

By animeninjaNIPPON

Woo-hoo! I thought I wouldn't do anymore ZADRs or after Irken Catnip… apparently, I was wrong. Good or bad, you decide… Well, this is my first sci-fi fic. For some bizarre reason, this story is heavy on references to the Vol.3 of the DVDs. Also, there are many strange paradoxes in this story, seeing as it deals with time travel. Naturally, I'm not Jhonen Vasquez, I don't own Invader Zim, and I can't make the characters 100 percent IC all of the time. But I can pretend, can't I?

* * *

Every day was the same for Dib – people at skool either ignored him or called him crazy, his sister treated him like dirt, his father never seemed to listen to a word he said…

At least, that's how it was until Zim arrived. Then all that stuff happened along with the stressful (and sometimes dangerous) battles, the endless stream of insults, and all the other grief the little green guy had to offer. Dib grew more and more weary with each passing week. Finally, a whole year had passed since Zim first landed on Earth.

"It's been exactly one year, two days, and seventeen hours since Zim came here," Dib said aloud to himself as he wrote down his exact words in his detailed notebook he dubbed "the Zim Files." "And so far, I've been able to stop each and every one of his attempts at world domination." He paused thoughtfully for a moment, then continued to write silently: _I've also come to the conclusion that Zim is more of a lime green, as opposed to mint as I previously predicted. _After signing his entry with the pen name "Vira Mindez" (to fool anyone who might steal his notebook and read it), he went to his computer to type up that day's analysis. About six months earlier, Gaz went to his computer and erased his previous "Zim Files" in retaliation for cursing her with the inability to taste anything but pigs (as though cleaning out that toilet wasn't bad enough), so since then he wrote his logs out by hand before typing them and saving them on backup disks. He would have printed out copies as well, had it not been for Zim's annoying SIR unit using his only means of electronic duplication as a bowling pin…

If Dib really wanted to document every terrible thing that happened to him, he would need a second lifetime and a whole lot of painkillers to reduce serious carpal tunnel problems. Therefore, he concentrated solely on the things Zim himself did – where the alien went, what size boots he wore, even the number of burnt rubber piggies Gir threw away. Some might call the amber-eyed human insane…

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

Dib perked up. "I'd know that voice anywhere…" Furrowing his brow in irritation, he went outside to see Zim standing behind two stereo speakers, wielding what appeared to be a blue electric guitar.

"TODAY you will meet your DOOM, DIB-BUH," he snarled contemptuously.

"YEE-HAW!" Gir added, swinging the cord of a microphone like a lasso.

"Zim, that's…an amplifier," Dib stated casually.

"WRONG, STINKBEAST!" Zim struck a chord on his guitar, causing the surrounding area to rumble. Strangely, no houses were falling down. "Eh?"

It wasn't a total loss for Zim, though – when he looked down, he saw Dib convulsing and vomiting on the ground.

"W-Whuh…" Dib stuttered, trying desperately to get back on his feet. Apparently, the sound waves tampered with his central nervous system.

"Now I will DESTROY you! Then, I will FINALLY taste sweet VICTORY!" He cackled maniacally once again, and Dib took advantage of his enemy's hysteria to grab the microphone Gir had dropped and hit Zim in the head with it.

"Not if I can help it!" yelled Dib, swinging the mic by its cord.

Zim narrowed his scarlet eyes and raised his gloved hand, bringing it down against the guitar strings as hard as he could.

End of part one


	2. Spell Point

By animeninjaNIPPON

No sound came out of the speakers.

"What's going ON?" cried Zim, shaking his silent blue guitar. He looked over at the speakers. As he suspected, Gir had unplugged the amp. The little robot giggled maniacally as he bent the prongs of the plug into a triangle. "Heeheehee! Ah made a MOUNTAIN!"

"NOOOO!" Zim wailed, crushing the handle of his guitar in his mighty Irken grip.

"Who's tasting 'sweet victory' now?" Dib taunted, still holding the microphone chord.

Zim released his spider legs. "Come on, Gir!" He turned and scurried away, the neurotic SIR following close behind. "SLEEP in your bed TONIGHT, DIB-WORM," Zim called out, "for TOMORROW, you will MEET YOUR DOOM!"

Dib dropped the mic, shaking his head in dismay. "I wonder what he put in that thing to make it mess up my nervous system…" Immediately, he examined the speakers. Sticking out of the left speaker was a small orange box. Naturally, Dib took it out to get a better look, but when he did, the whole speaker system collapsed around him. He took the box indoors and left the debris for the hobos to steal.

Once in his room, he admired his newly acquired treasure with awe, wondering how it worked. After a few minutes of that, he opened his closet to put it away with all his other Zim stuff. "Hey…"

On a shelf sat an old spell drive. Upon closer inspection, it still had one point left in it. "Well," Dib mused, "I only used one for – " He didn't need to finish that sentence, nor did he want to, as unrepressed memories of Gaz's pig-mouth and _that toilet_ came back to haunt him. He looked at the spell drive again. "If only I had more points…" His gaze fell back to the amplifier he nicked from Zim. "…Or a way to make that one point worth more."

Without a second thought, he grabbed both objects, plopped down on his bed, and started tinkering with them (which was rather stupid, Dib admitted to himself). In less than 20 minutes, he had rewired the Irken doodad into the spell drive, and sure enough, it multiplied the point value.

"Hmm…" Dib browsed through the things he could wish for – wings, body swapping, bolognification – but nothing really interested him. "I want something that can rid me of Zim once and for all. Something that will utterly destroy him." He bit into a taco he just happened to have next to his alarm clock as he continued searching. But exactly one second later, he found what he was looking for – something so amazing that he spit out his taco in shock.

"Time travel! That's so COOL! I could go back in time and warn myself about all the stupid things I'm about to do – no, wait... I could stop Zim before he ever sets foot inside Ms. Bitters' class!" With absolutely no hesitation, he did what he needed to do and silently prayed that his sister wouldn't be involved in the results. In the blink of an eye, a little box with a picture of a red stopwatch and the words "TIME WARP" appeared next to him. He opened it up and pulled out the contents – a stopwatch the color of Zim's extraterrestrial eyes and the directions on how to use it.

"Attach to a car, motorbike, or other automotive device," Dib read. "That will become your time machine." And he knew exactly what to use for his machine – Tak's spaceship.

End of part two


	3. Back to the Beginning

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Yes! I've done it!" Dib cried out as he finished attaching the time warp to the spaceship. "Now, to write it all down in my 'Zim Files'…" He pulled out his notebook and pen and documented everything that happened since the last time he wrote in it. He put the date and time at the top of the first page of the entry, capped the pen, and put both objects into his trench coat pocket.

"Step one," he read on the time warp directions. "Turn the blue hand to the number of years you desire to travel back (up to 12 years). If you wish to travel forward, pull down the 'future lock' on the lower right after setting the time." That's where the "Zim Files" came in handy once again – Dib turned to the very first page and looked at the date and time. "One year…"

"Step two: Turn the green hand to the number of days you desire to travel back (up to 60 days). If you wish to travel forward…" He didn't need to finish, since he was only traveling backwards one year and three days. (Had he continued to read, he would have noticed that the red hand turned back hours, which would have made his journey easier.) He scanned the bottom of the direction sheet, which instructed him to shift to go back into time and regular to go forward. "Then what's the future lock for? Oh well…" He put away his notebook and did what the directions told him to do.

The spaceship made a loud _whiiiir_ noise, then gained a green glow.

"Time to destroy the enemy I'll one day never meet," Dib exclaimed, shifting into reverse and dropping the time warp directions to the spaceship floor. With a maniacal laugh to rival that of his rival, he jerked the ship backwards and…

…Crashed into the garage.

"Aw MAN!" Dib pseudo-swore, stepping out of the ship to inspect the damage. "That's odd – it's morning already. I guess I was in there longer than I thought…"

In the distance, he heard his alarm clock go off. "But I don't set my alarm until I go to bed…" Then he heard Gaz's voice accompanied by his own. "Oh my gosh… I actually went back in time!" He impulsively looked down at his wristwatch. "Skool starts in about an hour… I'd better hurry up and stop Zim!" He climbed back into the ship, turned the time warp off, and drove it all the way to the skool. By the time he got there, Zim was just arriving.

The Irken Invader-in-disguise cruised up the steps in an "I'm going to take over the world and get an education in one fell swoop" manner. Dib carefully concealed Tak's spaceship in some bushes and ran into the skool through the back exit.

Zim hummed as he opened the door and strode down the hall. He stopped short in wide-eyed wonder as future Dib loomed over him.

"Keep your filthy alien claws off my planet, space boy!" Dib growled.

"ZIM does not have 'FILTHY ALIEN CLAWS'!" the green boy fired back. "Stand aside, worm baby – I am a NORMAL BOY on his way to SKOOL!"

He tried to walk around the human, but Dib stepped in his way. Zim tried again but was blocked that time as well. "I do not find AMUSEMENT in your little game!" He tried once more to get around the boy in the black trench coat then recoiled in terror. "GAAAH! There are MORE of you!" He turned around and bolted out the door.

"Get back here!" Dib yelled, racing after the alien and dropping his "Zim Files" in the process.

Present Dib, on his way to the bathroom, looked up. "Huh?" He caught a glimpse of the older Dib's trench coat hem as the skool doors slammed shut, then redirected his gaze to the floor. "Somebody dropped their notebook…" He leaned over to pick it up, then read the first page. "The Zim Files. Property of Vira Mindez…"

End of part three


	4. Invader Nobody

By animeninjaNIPPON

Present Dib would have read more of the obsessive diary, but his bladder was about to explode. So he put the notebook in his trench coat pocket and ran as fast as he could to the boys' restroom.

Meanwhile, Future Dib chased Zim into the bushes, where the latter ran smack into the hidden spaceship and was knocked to the ground. Nor willing to give in, he unleashed his spider legs and propped himself up just as his foe appeared. "YOU will PAY, you foolish STINKBEAST!" he sneered in Dib's face. "You will SUFFER my HORRIBLE WRATH! The HORRIBLE WRATH of ZIIIIM!" He held up a gloved fist to prove his point.

"I think not," Dib replied coolly.

Zim eyed the black-haired being as though he were a puppy that just wouldn't go home. "Why do you not FEAR ME?"

"I already know all your tactics, alien. I can handle anything you throw at me." Dib crossed his arms over his chest and smirked.

"LIAR!" Zim directed a finger at his archenemy and touched the tip of Dib's own finger, outstretched in a similar fashion.

"See?" said Dib, not moving an inch.

Zim growled angrily and glared at Dib, standing just as still. Dib glared back. "I'm warning you," he threatened.

"What do you intend to PROVE?"

Dib contemplated that idea for a moment. He hadn't really thought about what he was going to do with Zim once he went back in time to stop him. As much as he wanted to harm the Invader for ruining his already miserable life, he didn't want to destroy what he considered to be an important scientific specimen. Unfortunately, that moment of consideration was all the green boy needed to tackle Dib to the ground and wrap his gloved hands around Dib's neck.

"You… JERK!" Dib choked out, reaching up to strangle Zim and succeeding on his second try.

"WAAA-HOOO!" shrieked an all-too-familiar voice.

"Gir!" Zim turned his head. "What are you DOING! You're supposed to be guarding the base!"

"I'm here to help you, just like you wanted!" Gir hovered above the duo, holding a large ray gun.

"You don't know – " Zim was cut off by Dib's foot in his belly. He keeled over in pain, but that gave Gir a clear view to a shot. His innocuous expression changed to one of ill-intent; his baby-blue eyes glowed red-orange with fury.

"Give me back my rubber piggy," he fumed, hoisting the ray gun up against his silver cheek like a bazooka.

"What're you talking about?" Dib asked. "You don't even know me! Well, not yet anyway…"

Gir focused in on his target carefully. Dib stood on the grass, yelling and trying to reason with the robot. A scraggly brown squirrel ran behind him. All of a sudden, Gir dropped his angry demeanor – and his gun – and regressed back to his normal self. "Come back, squirrel! We was FRIENDS!"

"Thank goodness this will all be over soon," Dib mumbled, looking to the side only to realize that Zim was nowhere to be seen. "Oh no! I let him get away!" He jumped into Tak's spaceship while Gir was distracted and took off in the general direction of Zim's base.

Sure enough, Zim was there, rising out of his roof in a similar-looking ship. "I didn't know he had that when he first came here," Dib mused as he followed the identical craft up into the outer limits of the atmosphere. "Oh well – it's not important now."

It wasn't long before they were both in space. Dib didn't have any space gear except for the ship itself, and he knew the slightest damage to that would be enough to kill him. He just hoped Zim didn't know that. "Let's see…which button releases the missiles?"

Zim, on the other hand, had no trouble touching missiles out of his ship. The red-and-white striped projectiles were headed straight for the human, threatening to blast him out of existence.

"GAH!" Dib slammed his fist down against a random set of buttons, managing to make the ship roll out of the line of fire just in time. However, once he started spinning he couldn't stop. His stomach churned, ready to projectile vomit at any given moment. He thrashed about violently in hopes that would anything would send the ship flying straight again. In his moment of unrest, he hit a silver button that launched a medium-sized green rocket right into Zim. The rocket burst into an explosion of snack foods, shooting the alien and his spacecraft out into the unknown.

"CURSE YOU, EARTH-MONKEY! CURSE YOU!" he wailed as his ship spiraled backwards a few light-years.

Dib finally pulled himself out of the deadly pirouette just in time to see his long-time nemesis disappear into the blackness of space, leaving a trail of snacks behind him.

"I…did it! I finally defeated Zim!" He clenched his fist in excitement. "Yes! Now, to get back to my own time…" He turned the blue hand forward one year and set the future lock. He turned the green hand forward three days and set the future lock. As soon as he moved his hand off the future lock a second time, the ship jolted. "Uh-oh!" he squeaked, realizing that he'd been struck by one of Zim's stray missiles. Another blast caused Dib to hit his head on the side of the ship, and he blacked out.

-----

"Hey you…" called a familiar female voice.

Dib slowly opened his eyes. "Huh?" He stepped out of Tak's spaceship. "Where am I?"

"Quit playing around with your paranormal toys. It's time for dinner," Gaz grumbled. "And Dad's not going to be happy about what you did to the garage…"

Dib reached into his trench coat pocket out of habit, pulling out nothing. "Where exactly did I get that spaceship, anyway?"

"One of your stupid sci-fi conventions; how should I know?"

He just shrugged as he followed his sister into the house.

"Why don't you just give up on those aliens?" Gaz continued. "You know they don't exist."

"You're wrong, Gaz," Dib protested, "and one day, I'll find an alien and prove it!"

End of part four

* * *

That was the longest chapter of any of my fanfics ever written! WAA-HOO! Don't get too happy, though, most of the others are still short. In case you were wondering, my chappies are short because I write them out on notebook paper first, and I usually only use one sheet (front and back) per chapter. But this one didn't work well as two separate chapters, so I made one long chapter. It was murder to type, though. : ( 

animeninjaNIPPON


	5. Fan Fiction

By animeninjaNIPPON

After "Mysterious Mysteries," Dib went into his bedroom. "I am so exhausted," he proclaimed to the otherwise vacant room as he flopped down on his bed, "and I have absolutely no idea why."

Gaz peered into Dib's room. "If you don't stop talking to yourself, they're going to send you to the Crazy House for Boys. Otherwise, I'll rip your spleen out."

Dib ignored his sister, and she went away as quickly as she came. He put his hands behind his head and stared blankly at the ceiling, wondering why his life was so boring. Every day was the same, it seemed – his peers ignored him, his sister hated him, his father just didn't have the time…and all the while the hapless honey-eyed boy chased the illusions of the paranormal and supernatural, with less-than-stellar results. Perhaps it was time for a change…

"I'm going to clean my room!"

"Shut up!" Gaz called from her bedroom.

Paying no heed to the purple-haired girl's demand, Dib hoisted himself off the edge of his bed and went to the closet. _I'll start by organizing my magazines_, he thought, opening the closet. Inside, he stored an outfit identical to the one he was wearing (blue, smiley-faced shirt and black pants), a stealth cat suit, a dark blue T-shirt with the Z? emblem, and a huge stack of paranormal research magazines in slight disarray. On top of the magazines sat a thick, black notebook, which immediately caught Dib's attention.

He picked up the book and read the first page aloud. "The Zim Files. Property of – wait a minute, I remember this thing. I found it at skool about a year ago, then I guess I forgot about it…" He flipped to the second page.

"Today at skool I met a REAL LIVE ALIEN," he continued to read. "He has light green skin, no ears or nose, and is trying to pass himself off as a human with a skin condition. He calls himself 'ZIM' – a lot. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy, but I know the truth." He looked up. "Dad! Gaz! Come quick! I've found proof that aliens exist!"

Two minutes later, Gaz trudged in. "What are you ranting about this time?"

"Look, Gaz! Some girl has kept a journal on her encounters with an alien! See?" He pointed to the first entry.

She glared at it suspiciously. "That's probably just a story or something."

"But…it's dated and everything!"

Gaz ripped the notebook out of her brother's hands and flipped through it. "It's also dated for today. The girl you stole it from was probably doing it for Creative Writing." She tossed the book to the floor and made her exit. "You're weird, you know that?"

Dib picked up the notebook with a sigh. "Well, if nothing else, it'll give me an idea of what to expect when I meet a real alien for myself." He opened it again and read silently. _Actually, I'd describe Zim as more of a sea green. Anyway, today I found out that he has a green dog. GREEN? Who has a GREEN DOG? And it has a ZIPPER? Come on – who does that Zim think he's kidding? I'm going to watch him…_

"An alien with a green zipper dog," Dib mused. "This _is_ interesting..."

End of part five


	6. Talking to Tak

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib took the "Zim Files" with him to skool and read it during class whenever he got the chance.

_Today Zim put a tack in my chair. He did it as revenge for something I did to him that he so richly deserved, and he made it out to be some extraordinary retaliation. But it was nothing – Zim is an idiot._

Dib put his hand over his mouth to repress a snicker.

The bell rang for lunch, and Dib took the book with him to the cafeteria, reading it along the way. _Remember that tack Zim put on my chair the other day? (Wait! Who am I writing to?) Well, anyway, it turns out it was infected with bologna DNA. How he managed to do that, I don't know. All I know is that he won't give me the antidote. But I'll make him – _

"HEY!"

"Huh?" Dib dropped the book in surprise.

"Watch where you're going." It was Tak, that new girl who arrived a few days ago. She glared at Dib and rubbed her arm.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm just reading this really exciting story about an alien – and – "

"Aliens, huh?" Her expression softened a little.

"You're interested?" He bent down to pick up the book.

"Oh, I dunno. I don't really believe in them…"

"But they do exist. I found this book that describes them in detail – well, one anyway. The thing is, I don't know whether or not the documentary itself is real."

"Have you ever met a real alien?"

"Well, no. But, when I do, I'll be ready for it!"

Just then, Gaz stomped into view. "Are you still trying to convince people that those alien stories are real?"

"They could be true!" Dib protested. "So far, they're all in perfect chronological order. And it's highly detailed…"

"So what?" Gaz glared at him. "Like I said, it's just a stupid story some girl wrote. She probably used her boyfriend as a model or something."

"But Vira hates Zim," Dib corrected.

Tak blinked. "What was that name?"

Dib looked at her questioningly. "You know Vira Mindez?"

"No." Tak backed up slightly. "Never heard of him."

"I thought Vira was a girl's name – "

"Who cares?" Gaz snapped. "It's just a book! Get a life!"

"I think I'll leave now…" Tak said nervously. She and Gaz left in opposite directions, leaving Dib alone with the "Zim Files." Not knowing what else to do, he stood there like an idiot and picked up reading where he left off.

"I think Dib's gone crazy," Zita commented to Tak.

"It's possible," Tak replied, keeping a watchful eye on the boy in the black trench coat.

End of part six


	7. Dib's GloriouslyBORING! Life of DOOM

By animeninjaNIPPON

"I wonder why my life is so boring…"

Dib had taken a short break from reading the "Zim Files" in order to contemplate the meaning of life – well, his life, at least. Another uneventful week had gone by, and the only thing vaguely exciting that happened to him (other than finding the notebook) was when he sat in gum on Tuesday. It was the first time in years he had done so…

Tired of thinking, he rolled off his bed and picked the notebook up off his dresser. He found the place where he had stuck a blue "Mysterious Mysteries" bookmark, sat down on his bed again, and continued reading.

_Sometimes I just can't believe how stupid Zim is. A few hours ago, he rode up to my house on a giant invisible robot, expecting me to run away screaming. He tried to destroy me, but he ended up stealing my camera instead. Sure, that was one of my best cameras, but for what it's worth, he didn't do anything. It's times like these I start to wonder if he's losing his touch…but then I realize that's what he wants me to think…_

"Wow," Dib said, "even this strange notebook is starting to get boring."

He got up, notebook in hand, and went into the kitchen. He got a soda out of the refrigerator and went into the living room, where Gaz sat on the couch playing her GS2. She ignored his presence as he put the book in his trench coat pocket and opened up his can of POOP cola, but as soon as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch her apathetic mood was disrupted.

"Go away," she growled.

"I just want to see what's on TV," Dib protested, grabbing the remote and switching the television on.

"I was in here first."

Dib sighed and sipped his soda. A news reporter in a cowboy hat filled the television screen. "We have breaking news, here at Channel 52," he said casually. "An earthquake has destroyed the Deelishus Weenie, leaving nothing but sawdust, hot dogs, and a strange-looking hovercraft with what appears to be an alien insignia."

A spray of brown cola was next to fill the screen. "An alien spaceship?" Dib exclaimed, standing up and wiping his mouth on his trench coat sleeve. "I've gotta get over there!"

"Why do you talk?" Gaz inquired, not looking away from her game.

Suddenly, the ground started shaking. Some dishes broke in the kitchen, and for some odd reason, a cat yowled.

"Gaz! Take cover!" Dib shrieked, collapsing to the floor and putting his arms over his head to the best of his ability. The purple-haired girl merely sat there and tapped away at her handheld game.

Outside, people screamed in the streets. Mothers cried out in terror as lasers were shot at schoolchildren, who cried even louder. Three houses down from Dib's, people were jumping out of windows.

As soon as the earthquake ceased, Dib ran outside to investigate. Once he slammed the door behind him, all chaos broke loose. He ran until he reached a large asphalt circle where some type of drilling machine was stationed, then looked up to see a green alien with purple eyes and long, curly antennae looming over the disorderly human population, laughing with contempt.

End of part seven


	8. The World Ends

By animeninjaNIPPON

The alien laughed mercilessly as Dib gazed in shocked terror. She then glanced down at the panic-stricken boy and sobered up. "Dib, right?"

"How'd you know my name?"

"Don't you recognize me? Oh, I guess not." She paused briefly to turn on her hologram disguise.

"Tak!" Dib's eyes widened. "You're an alien?"

"Technically, yes," she replied, removing her hologram. "I am an Invader from the superior Irken race. I'm almost ready to present your planet to my leaders, but first I must rid it of these useless creatures." With that, she pressed a button that sent an electric current through a nearby hobo, frying him to ashes. "You're next, meddling human."

But Dib was already gone. He ran all the way back to his house, but when he got there, it was completely leveled. The only thing standing was a large outhouse with the words "Membrane Bomb Shelter" above it in neon lights. Professor Membrane and Gaz were a few feet away.

"Terrorists are attacking!" Membrane announced. "Come along, daughter unit – WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER?"

"Here I am!" Dib called out, running up to his family.

"Ah, son, there you are." Membrane paused dramatically. "To the Membrane Bomb Shelter – QUICKLY!"

"Outta my way!" A boy with green hair and a maroon T-shirt shoved Dib aside and prepared to step into the bomb shelter. "I gotta save Iggins!"

"Hey!" Dib yelled, getting up just in time to see Iggins get electrocuted and fall to the ground.

"I've programmed it so that only people with the family DNA can enter," Membrane explained, scooting Iggins' body aside with his foot. "Now then, let's go!"

Gaz got in first, followed by Professor Membrane. Dib put his hand on the frame of the entrance as he started to climb in, but recoiled when he felt a painful electric current jump through his wrist.

"Oh dear," Professor Membrane lamented. "I was afraid this would happen…"

"What's going on?" Dib demanded, clutching his injured wrist as people and buildings were set aflame in the background.

"Well, son," Membrane explained, "or rather, Unit 42…You're actually a failed experiment of mine. That's why your head is so large."

"WHAAAT?"

"That's right, Unit 42, you're a Data-Incoded Being. I made you."

"But…but what about Gaz?"

"Well…" Membrane scratched the back of his head. "I cloned her from myself and the DNA of your 'mother,' who lives in a jar. I'll tell you all about it sometime…"

"But Dad – I mean, Sir – I mean, Professor – what about me? I'll die out here!"

"I'm sorry, son." With that, Membrane closed the door.

Before Dib could protest further, he was hit in the back of the head with a blunt object. He passed out into the arms of a smiling green alien with ominous, crimson eyes.

End of part eight

* * *

Just so you know, "incoded" is not a typo. I purposely misspelled "encoded" to fit Dib's name as an acronym. And that idea that Dib is actually a failed experiment is not mine, for I actually heard about it in the commentary on the second volume of the DVDs (I think it was the Chickenfoot episode, I dunno). Well, there's still more to come…

animeninjaNIPPON


	9. I am ZIM!

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He seemed to be in some sort of alien base, strapped to an autopsy table. "GAAH!"

"Be quiet, Earth-scum," snapped the red-eyed alien.

"Tak? What are you doing?"

"TAK?" The alien's eyes narrowed. "How DARE you confuse me with that psycho SHE-IRKEN! I am ZIM!"

"ZIM? _THE_ ZIM?" Dib exclaimed.

"Yes, worm baby, the Almighty ZIM! The one that YOU chased off this planet a long time ago!"

"What? I never met you."

"LIAR!" Zim shook his fist in Dib's face. "I was on my way to SKOOL, like a normal Earth-monkey. Then YOU came after me in your SPACESHIP and attacked me with a SNACK-ROCKET! I somehow wound up on Hobo 13, where a short, ugly Irken named Skoodge informed me that I was in fact EXILED to Earth on a PHONY MISSION! I didn't believe him, of course, but then the Tallest found me and gave me back to Sizz-Lorr, who made me work on Food Courtia, where I was stuck for TWENTY YEARS!"

"I haven't even been ALIVE for twenty years," Dib stated.

"It's a time-space thingy…I dunno." Zim walked away. "I'll deal with YOU later. Come, GIR! We have to stop TAK!"

"WAIT!" Dib called. "Let me help you."

Zim turned around slowly. "Why should I trust a HUMAN like you?"

"Well, as it turns out, I might not be a human…"

"Huh?"

"Long story. Anyway, I want to stop Tak, too – hey, wait a minute. She's your kind…why do YOU want to stop her?"

"That's NONE of your BUSINESS!"

Well, I guess I can't help you, then…"

"I don't NEED your help." Zim turned to leave. "Let's go, Gir!"

Gir jumped onto Zim's head. "Yaaay!"

Dib smiled. "If you let me help you, I promise I won't do that…"

In the blink of an eye, Dib was un-strapped from the table. He got up. "So, does this mean 'yes'?"

"I could USE some assistance," Zim mumbled.

"SILENCE! As soon as I'm done with Tak, I'll destroy YOU and take over Earth MYSELF!"

Dib cringed. "But if you're of the same race, why don't you just let her present Earth to your leaders?"

Zim narrowed one eye. "Are you QUESTIONING my methods?"

"Uh…yeah."

"FINE!" Zim paced back and forth on the floor. "It was twenty years ago. The Tallest summoned me from Hobo 13 and – HEY!" He spun around sharply and grabbed Dib by the shirt collar. "How do I know you won't use this AGAINST me?"

"I know nothing about you, alien!" Dib yelled, breaking free from Zim's grasp. "All I know about you is what Vira Mindez wrote!"

"WHO?"

"Haven't you heard of her?" Dib took out the notebook. "She kept this diary of her encounters with you. Well, up until now I was starting to think it was made up…"

"NEVER heard of her!" Zim announced. "Anyway, it all started twenty years ago…"

End of part nine


	10. Twenty Years Earlier

By animeninjaNIPPON

_Twenty years earlier…_

"My Tallest! My TALLEST! My – "Zim began.

"What now, Zim?" Red groaned. "You were SUPPOSED to be on that one planet…Rith, was it?"

"I think it was Earth," Purple corrected.

Red narrowed his eyes. "Isn't that what you said about Vort?"

"No, that was something else."

"Oh."

Zim flashed a cheesy grin. "Ah yes, about Earth…Well, forgive me, my Tallest, but I'm afraid I'll need backup – to COMPLETELY DESTROY those smelly Earth-monkeys!"

"Uh…" Purple began as Red sipped a soft drink. "…No."

"PLEASE, my Almighty Tall Ones!" Zim begged, hands clasped together.

"First of all," Red stated, "You blew up our backup troops. Second, we never sent you on any mission to invade Earth. We were just trying to send you as far away from us as Irkenly possible. But now that you've defied our orders by landing within 200 light-years of us, we're turning you back over to Sizz-Lorr."

On cue, Sizz-Lorr came in to drag Zim away. "But WHYYYY!"

"Hey, we cut you a break before," Purple snapped at the annoying non-Invader.

"So the short, ugly guy was right," Zim realized. "NOOOOO!"

As Sizz-Lorr hauled him away, Zim saw the Tallest turn to face a purple-clad female. "Invader Tak," Red said, "you have passed the test."

"In fact," Purple added, "you've done so well that we think you could actually make some use of that planet Zim was supposed to be on."

"But first," Red continued, "we're sending you to…"

"CURSE YOU, TAK!" Zim yelled as he was forced behind the register in one of the many fast food joints on Food Courtia. "YOU WILL PAY!"

"Uh…" mumbled the alien at the front of the line. "How many monies?"

"Two hundred," Zim replied.

The next day, the "foodening" began. Sizz-Lorr took a much needed vacation, while Zim was stuck in that Food Courtia restaurant for the next twenty years. As soon as the foodening ended, he burst through the emergency exit in the storeroom and hijacked the first ship back to the Tallest.

"My Tallest!" Zim crash-landed into his leaders' private snack bar. "I served my time on Food Courtia, now PLEASE let me become an Invader again!"

"What do you mean, 'served your time'?" Red sneered. "I don't believe I ever issued an end to your sentence."

"Besides, we already sent Tak on your phony mission," Purple stated. "Only she's on an actual invasion."

"Oh, I see…" Zim took three steps back, then pulled a gas grenade out of his PAK and threw it at the ground between himself and the Tallest. "NOBODY messes with ZIIM!"

As soon as the smoke cleared, he was gone.

-----

"And what about your robot?" Dib asked.

"Gir stayed on Earth, posing as a squirrel until I got back," Zim replied. "We spent the last two days moving my base COMPLETELY underground, which is where we are now."

"Don't you think someone would have noticed a squirrel that big?" Dib glanced at the robot, who was playing with a rubber piggy.

"That's NOT important now!" Zim grabbed Dib by the trench coat collar. "I need a PLAN!"

"Well…" Dib took out the mysterious notebook once again. "This thing here might have some ideas…"

End of part ten


	11. The Last of the Zim Files

By animeninjaNIPPON

"What's THAT?" Zim asked.

"It's the story I was telling you about," Dib explained. "It reveals stuff about you, like your intolerance to water. Maybe we can use it against Tak."

"You mean, I'LL use it!" Zim snatched it away from the big-headed boy. He began reading it from the beginning.

"You can read Earthen writings?"

"Of COURSE! I was HERE before!"

Zim didn't want to admit that he'd spent countless nights of incarceration practicing Earth's many alphabets until the day he got the chance to seek and destroy Tak on said planet. He mopped floors as she fought wars for the past two Irken decades, and somehow he always knew that she would get his mission in the end.

"DONE!" Zim threw the notebook at Dib's abnormally large head.

"Already?" Dib exclaimed. "But I haven't even finished it yet!"

"Well, I got NOTHING out of it! It's all LIES! That stupid, stinking HUMAN knows NOTHING of ZIM!"

Dib flipped through the book a bit. "Well, she was right about your appearance. And the way you talk. And from what I can tell – HOLY CHICKENFOOT, what do we have here!" His eyes bugged out at the line he saw:

_It turns out that Tak is an alien…_

"It mentions Tak in here!"

"Nothing IMPORTANT about her…" Zim grumbled.

Dib went back a few pages to read the entire entry. Meanwhile, Zim paced back and forth, trying to think of a way to stop Tak.

"OOOO, I se shiny things!" Gir randomly exclaimed from the distance.

"Wha? – GIR! Get out of there!" The little robot had gotten into a box of sporks, carelessly tossing them at arbitrary intervals and directions. Narrowly dodging one utensil, Zim lunged at the box and crashed into it, sending Gir flying to the opposite end of the base.

While Zim chased the dysfunctional robot around the room, Dib had time to go through a good deal of the "Zim Files."

"Gir, ZIM COMMANDS YOU to stop!" Zim yelled.

"Come on, don't you want to play with me?" Gir called from the ceiling, supporting himself with two sporks stuck into whatever material was keeping the roof from caving in.

_Tak is gone, but her spaceship landed in my yard just now. I'm going to take it for a test drive… _Dib read silently.

Gir did a back flip between the two sporks and landed next to Dib with a crash.

"This isn't funny, Gir! I DEMAND that you follow orders IMMEDIATELY!"

"Ah, but you didn't tag me yet…"

_Zim tried to run for skool president today, but lost. I wish he had won, though – then he would have suffered at the merciless hands of the faculty…_

"GIR! I ORDER YOU TO COME HERE SO I CAN TAG YOU!"

"Okie-dokie." Gir waddled over to Zim and waited patiently for his Master to tap him on the head. With that done, Gir gave Zim a rather hard push on the shoulder and called, "TAG! You're it!"

"Oh my gosh!" Dib cried suddenly.

"Now what, worm baby?" Zim groaned.

"Look." Dib walked over to Zim, holding up the book in the alien's face. "See this last entry?"

Zim backed away slightly for a better view. "What of it?"

Dib moved the notebook to his own vision and read aloud, "As of tonight, I finally have the means to stop Zim once and for all! I've managed to construct a time machine out of Tak's old ship, and I will go back in time to prevent him from ever walking into skool that fateful day…" He skimmed the next two paragraphs before concluding, "Signed, Vira Mindez – aw, who am I kidding? No one will ever read this but me… Signed, Dib." He closed the book and looked up at Zim. "That's me – I'm Dib! I must have used a pseudonym and gone back in time and – well, you get the idea."

"So, YOU wrote that horrible, inaccurate account of the LIFE OF ZIM?" Zim asked.

"Yeah, I guess," Dib replied.

Zim grabbed Dib by the T-shirt. "Listen up, STINKBEAST! I am NOT 'LIME GREEN;' I am a unique color called 'IRKEN CHARTREUSE'! I'm not stupid; it is YOU HUMANS who are STUPID! And my boot size is NOT six, merely FIVE-AND-A-HALF! And – wait a minute, I shouldn't be telling YOU this! You're trying to DESTROY me!"

"Actually, I have something else in mind." Dib pulled himself free from Zim's grasp. "According to this notebook, you were only one-sixth the threat to Earth that Tak is, though ironically you managed to beat her…"

"Get to the point!"

"Long story short, Tak is too powerful to defeat here and now. If we go back in time to stop me from stopping you, then we can save the world!"

"So I can take over!" Zim finished.

"Uh, no."

"Silence, you meatbag!" Zim spun around to face his robot helper. "Gir! We have NEW PLANS!"

"Yes SIR!" The once teal-eyed Gir now displayed red eyes and a menacing glare. He put his hand to his forehead in a salute as he awaited orders.

"We're going back in time to –" Zim continued, then glanced back at Dib. "How are we going back in time?"

"Oh, yeah." Dib scratched the back of his head. "Well, I guess I originally used Tak's ship as a time manipulator, but that's probably gone by now."

"Irken ships are built to last ZILLIONS of invasions," Zim stated. "Hopefully, it's still intact!"

"But it's way out there." Dib gestured upward with his hand.

"I KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Zim shot a fist into the air. "Using the built-in tracker that most Irken spacecrafts contain, I'll track the ships coordinates and reach it from the UNDERGROUND!"

"And how are we gonna do that?"

Zim handed Dib a spork. "You will DIG the way there!"

End of part eleven


	12. The Tunnel

By animeninjaNIPPON

"What?" Dib cried. "I'm not going to dig all the way back to the remains of my house!"

"You'll do as I SAY, stinkbeast!" Zim held the spork up to Dib's eye.

With a reluctant sigh, Dib yanked the spork out of the alien's gloved fist and pressed it into the semi-firm soil that made up the nearest inner wall. "You stink, Zim," he muttered.

Since Gir was busy digging a hole of his own in a cup of POOP pudding, five minutes went by in virtual silence. By this time, Dib had created a dent in the wall about one inch deep, although wide enough to fit his head through.

"Can't you DIG any FASTER?" Zim complained.

"This was your idea," Dib shot back, "and it would go a lot faster if you helped me."

"Help the likes of a filthy HUMAN like YOU?" Zim laughed at the very idea. "YOU will be my SLAVE when I take OVER your filthy little PLANET! ZIM would NEVER help a slave!"

Speaking of slaves gave Dib an idea. "Why don't you just get your robot to do it?"

Zim glanced casually over at Gir, who was working his way through a third cup of pudding. "Gir's intelligence is set for HIGHER, more ADVANCED purposes!" Dib made a "humph" sound. "What's THAT, Earth-monkey?"

Dib was dirty, tired, confused, and annoyed. And Zim's attitude didn't help at all. "I don't think that robot is very 'advanced.'"

"Shut UP!" Zim drove his fist into the dirt wall, causing the shallow hole to cave in. "Dig, or be DOOMED, you smelly Earth – huh?"

Dib rose from the dirt pile, and in one quick motion pinned Zim to the wall with one hand. "Look," he growled, mere inches away from the shocked expression on Zim's face, "my name is DIB. Not 'Earth-monkey' or 'stinkbeast' or 'worm baby.' I agreed to help you just this once, and the least you can do is get my name right, you…Zim!"

Zim closed his eyes halfway, showing blatant lack of amusement. "Very well, DIB-MONKEY."

Said "Dib-monkey" sighed in annoyance, picked up his spork, and began to pick around the loose soil. Much to his surprise, Zim took out a spork and followed in the human's example.

"Never send a HUMAN to do a job much more suited for the IRKEN ELITE," he muttered, throwing a scoop of dirt over his head.

"You're not elite," Dib corrected. "You were banished. You said so yourself."

The Tallest will take me back once I take over your dirtball!" Zim stood up indignantly. "THEN I will become SUPREME SOMETHING-OR-OTHER!"

Unable to think of a decent comeback, Dib sporked his way through the new hole, tossing dirt over his shoulder. He heard a faint sound of sand hitting a solid object, and then –

"AAAGH! My eyes! I'll go 'splody!"

Both beings whipped around to see Gir screaming in agony with his little metal hands over his eyes. The Irken managed to gasp out "Oh, NO!" before Gir went into his aggressive mode. He released a set of razor-like spider legs that neither Zim nor Dib knew he had, then squeaked out evilly, "It's begun!"

Gir charged directly at the duo, kicking up his jets and spiraling uncontrollably. Zim and Dib screamed and jumped apart, allowing the malfunctioning SIR unit to pass right through the wall, drilling his way through the Earth's crust and leaving a tunnel behind him.

"Hmm, I suppose he's a worthy little minion after all," Zim muttered. He pulled an Irken tracking device out of his PAK and looked over at Dib. "Follow me, HUMAN! We have to find that ship!" He got down on his hands and knees and entered the dark tunnel. There was plenty of room to move, and just enough room for Dib to crawl beside him. But Zim wouldn't let the worm baby move too close to him, so Dib was forced to crawl with his head near Dib's torso. And so they proceeded into the underground path ahead.

End of part twelve


	13. I Know

By animeninjaNIPPON

As the light from behind grew dimmer, Zim put on his infrared goggles. He and Dib traveled on without a word. Gir was so far ahead that they had no idea where he was. That made Dib wonder enough to break the silence:

"Are we going the right way?"

Zim stopped and turned slightly. He couldn't see Dib's complete figure, just a few neon colors representing him. "I KNOW where we're GOING!"

"OK, just making sure…"

"Do YOU know what we're going to do once we FIND Tak's ship?" Zim continued.

"Well…not exactly…" Dib bit his lower lip and looked away, a motion unnoticed by Zim's infrared vision. "I'm sure I can figure it out – "

"NO MORE OF YOUR STUPID NOTEBOOK!" Zim screeched. Dib put his hands over his ears and fell forward from the lack of support. The kid looked almost Irken through the goggles, Zim noted, and it somehow made the alien more comfortable to speak to Dib that way. "We'll figure it out MY WAY!"

"If everything's got to be 'your way,' what did you need me for?" Dib shot back.

"I already TOLD you!"

"You told me a lot of things!"

"Well I FORGOT!"

"Just admit it," Dib argued. "You can't do this alone."

"I'm not ALONE! I have my SIR unit to help me! And not just ANY SIR – I have GIR, an ADVANCED unit!"

"Who is probably in China, or some homicidal maniac's chamber," Dib added sarcastically. "And based on how reliable everything else of yours is, so are we."

"I KNOW where we're going!" Zim repeated. "YOU are lucky I even SPARED your worthless life! You should be THANKING me!"

"Maybe if I can change the past back to the way it was before," Dib whispered, half-contemptuously, to himself, "my life won't be worthless anymore."

"EXACTLY!" Zim announced, raising a fist and smacking it into the ground above. "That is wh – WHAT?"

"What do you mean, 'what'?" Dib had no idea what Zim was talking about, but then again, he wasn't really sure what he himself had said. He pondered it for a moment, but came up empty. "You want to go back in time to give me a better life?"

"NO! To give ZIM a better life!"

"Oh." An awkward pause followed. "…So, I guess we kinda live the same way."

"WRONG!" Zim shouted. "I have suffered HORRIBLE dilemmas that YOUR brainmeats cannot BEGIN to imagine!"

"My life hasn't been so great, either!" Dib responded. "Before you captured me, I'd just found out that I'm not really who I thought I was. I'm actually a failed experiment of the famous Professor Membrane… Unit 42, I think he said. Anyway, that's not how humans are supposed to come into being!"

"Well, IRKENS are born in labs, too, so consider yourself honored to have had an Irken birth!"

"That doesn't make me feel better at all!" It did, however, make him feel as though he understood Zim a little more.

"I don't CARE!" Zim crawled further down the tunnel. Dib followed the scuffling sound, but he couldn't keep up with the Irken as much as before. How long had it been since he slept? Plus, all that wandering around in the darkness wasn't very energizing…

"We shouldn't be fighting…" Dib's voice was growing wispy. "We have to work together to stop Tak…"

Zim groaned. "Fine. It doesn't matter – if we SUCCEED in going back in time, NONE of this would have happened ANYWAY!" He turned around. "OK, Dib-monkey – "

Dib wasn't moving.

"…Dib-monkey?"

End of part thirteen


	14. Inside Information

By animeninjaNIPPON

Dib was lying motionless on the cold ground, completely silent.

"Hey YOU!" Zim took off his infrared goggles and put them in his PAK, then put on a brown-tinted hat that had a little red light on top. He adjusted the light so it reflected across the human boy's body. Dib was merely sleeping; passed out from exhaustion. "Well," Zim muttered, "I can't do anything until he wakes up. If Tak comes after me, I'll need to use him as a shield…" He stretched a torn-gloved hand out and carefully reached into Dib's trench coat pocket to pull out – what else? – The "Zim Files." He opened it to a random page and began to read.

_Today is my birthday, and Zim ruined it by having his robot put waffles in my cake. Sadly, it's still one of my better birthday celebrations…_

Zim had no idea what a "birthday" was or why it mattered whether or not the cake was made of waffles. He flipped through the book again, and out of sheer boredom (and possible curiosity) he counted how many times his name had been written in each entry. He studied the entries carefully, noted the shapes of that particular alphabet, tried to decipher what had been crossed out on some pages… Come to think of it, there was a scratched out word at the end of the first entry – Zim made it out to be the letter "D" and part of an "I," followed by the pseudonym "Vira Mindez."

"Vira Mindez." Of all the phony names Dib could have chosen, why that one? But Zim, in his deep concentration, had caught on to something.

"Vira Mindez" was an anagram for "Invader Zim."

"Does this worm baby think of NOTHING but the ALMIGHTY ZIM?" the alien thought out loud. "Well, if he is TRULY interested in my IRKEN GLORY, he needs to get his FACTS correct!" Zim stretched out a leg directly into Dib's stomach to wake him. Dib gasped in horror and slight pain before sitting up as much as possible.

"Where am I?" Dib asked with a yawn.

"This is your LUCKY DAY, Dib-worm!" Zim ignored Dib's sleepy-headed confusion.

"You found the ship?"

"NOT YET! But I have INFORMATION – " He stopped, remembering something he had been told a long time ago. _Never give personal information to anyone unless you have something with which to blackmail them. _Before he let his ego carry him any further, Zim replied, "but FIRST you must give me YOUR information!"

"MY information!" Dib glanced at Zim, noticing that he held the "Zim Files." "You mean, like stuff about ME?" Someone wanting to know something about Dib – THAT was certainly a first. "Well, what do you want to know, exactly?"

"Something SECRET!"

Dib hesitated. He remembered something someone from the Swollen Eyeball Network said about not trusting your enemies until you had blackmail on them. "I don't think I know you well enough to tell you that…"

"Then tell me SOMETHING ELSE!"

"Well…" Dib lay on his back and stared nonchalantly at the dirt ceiling. "My name is Dib, and I don't have a last name, which in retrospect makes sense because – "

"I know, I know, the Irken thing," Zim interrupted. "What is your CIVIL DUTY on this planet?"

"Well… I don't really have one. I'm only twelve… I guess I go to skool, which pays for the government's luxuries…"

"You're HOW OLD?" Zim looked skeptical.

"Twelve," Dib repeated. "At least, I think so."

"No wonder you're so STUPID," Zim commented. "You're LESS THAN A CENTURY OLD!"

"You're over 100?" Dib rolled over to look at Zim, who had propped himself up by his elbows and was staring at the open notebook.

"Well, actually…I'm only 87. I lie about my age a lot. But the TALLEST know my true age!"

"How do I know you're not lying about it now?"

"Good question – but THAT is not IMPORTANT! Now tell me, Dib-stink – "

"Do you have to call me that?"

"YES! Now REVEAL to me your TRUE PURPOSE to your race!" Zim turned to face Dib.

"How should I know? Nobody on this planet knows their true purpose!" Dib realized that he wasn't getting anywhere just arguing, so he softened his tone a bit. "Well, as for me…I think that it's paranormal research. You know, aliens and monsters and stuff."

"So THAT'S why you were so obsessed with me in the nonexistent past!" Zim shook the notebook in Dib's face.

"I was NOT 'obsessed'!" Dib denied indignantly. "What else was I supposed to write about – how I sat in gum that one Tuesday?"

"Sure, Dib-monkey…"

"You're an egomaniac, you know that Zim? You think any human would be interested in how amazingly superior you think you are." He narrowed his eyes at the alien.

"I don't CARE what your INFERIOR dirtball thinks of the AMAZINGLY SUPERIOR ZIM!" Zim made a fist. "And when I TAKE OVER, and present your planet to the Tallest, and…" Zim slowly unclenched his fist and picked up his tracking device. "One-half kilometer, STRAIGHT AHEAD!"

"Don't change the subject!" Dib snatched the device out of Zim's hand. "Tell me what you're going to do. Unless you don't know – "

"NEVER" Zim snatched the device back. "Wait a MINUTE – I thought you weren't INTERESTED in hearing my plans to DOOM you!"

"No, I said – "

KABOOM! A loud crash behind them caused part of the tunnel to cave in.

"We've been SPOTTED!" Zim cried out.

"Are you sure?" Dib asked. "Maybe it's just a rogue missile or something."

"You WANT us to get caught?" Zim yelled angrily. "Let's go!" But before they could advance further, the front of the tunnel collapsed as well. "AAAH!"

"We're trapped!"

"This is YOUR fault, Dib-human! I'm going to DOOM you NOW!"

"No, wait! We can still get out!"

"NEVER! I'm going to destroy you ONCE AND FOR ALL!" With that, Zim grabbed the front of Dib's tattered T-shirt. The ground beneath them began to shake violently.

"Look," Dib shouted, taking hold of Zim's tunic, "if we're gonna die in here, let's die with a clear conscience! Let's not fight anymore!"

"SO, when faced with impending death, you want to make things all NICE and HAPPY!" Zim was only getting angrier.

"Yeah, I guess! I'm only human!"

Hearing Dib admit to being flawed because of his terrestrial origin made Zim bust out laughing. "AHAHAHAHA! You ADMIT to being a lesser species!" He continued laughing with genuine amusement, and Dib, realizing how that phrase sounded in context in a discussion with Zim, laughed too. As they cracked up, Zim's grip on the big-headed boy lessened. However, Dib was laughing so hard that he had to fall against Zim for support. And all the while, the Earthquake continued.

As their hysteria subsided, Zim realized how close Dib was to him and impolitely shoved him away. "NEVER touch ZIM!"

"I'm sorry!" They had been getting along so well for the past five minutes, and Dib hated to ruin it. But all of a sudden, it was ZIM getting too close. He latched onto Dib's shirt, pressing against the human in fear.

"AAAH! This place is gonna 'SPLODE!" Zim yelled.

The ground gave way beneath them before they were shot into Earth's atmosphere by an eruption of snacks. Dib landed on his back onto what he thought was a car (due to the alarm that went off) but was actually the spaceship they had been tracking. He groaned in pain and reached a hand over the side of the ship. It was met by a vinyl-gloved hand that grabbed his wrist. Dib slowly sat up. "Z – Ziiim…?" He looked to his side groggily.

"WRONG, HUMAN!" Tak grinned ferally and tore Dib off her spaceship, pinning his arms behind his back and locking them into place with electromagnetic sonic handcuffs.

End of part fourteen


	15. Escape

By animeninjaNIPPON

The cell was dark and dank. Dib managed to survive by sucking the water out of a nearby leaky pipe, but the neon-blue, laser-like handcuffs prohibited him from doing much else. He sat there dazedly until shaken out of his stance by the clicking of high-heeled boots against cement. The cell door slid open with a _clank_, then the boot clicking got louder.

"All right, Dib, are you ready to talk?" came Tak's voice.

"Uh…you never asked me anything before," Dib replied, standing up to the best of his ability. "By the way, where's Zim?"

"Oh, I took care of him a long time ago," she said with an evil chuckle.

Dib fell back to the ground. "No…"

"I'm going to leave you here." With that, she walked away.

"What did you do with Zim?" he yelled after her.

"Oh, he's alive…but he's suffering more than you!" She exited the cell laughing.

Once the alien's sounds of sadistic joy died down, Dib let his mind settle on the here and now, as it were. _Nothing good has come of this alternate future,_ he thought. It was kind of ironic, though – he had finally defeated his worst enemy, only to let a rival Irken take over the Earth. And Zim showed up anyway. _Guess I can't fight fate – Zim and I were destined to meet._ That's when Dib realized something:

"Tak left the door open!"

Throwing caution to the wind, he bolted out of the open cell door and through the automatic door. He was temporarily blinded as he stepped into the light, but he caught sight of a laser demagnetizer and used it to remove his handcuffs. He ran down the corridor towards the emergency exit, silently wondering why Tak had an emergency exit in her base. Suddenly, he stopped three feet short of the door.

A dilemma arose in his mind. He knew where the ship was from where he stood, and he no longer needed Zim's assistance, but all the same…he felt he had to go back to save Zim.

What was he thinking? He was almost free! Well, it was an Irken spaceship – he might need Zim's help piloting it. With that in mind, he turned on his heel and bounded through the first door to the right.

All that was in there were a crowbar, thirty boxes of Deelishus Weenies, and some exposed electrical wires. "Hmm…"

Meanwhile, Zim was chained to a wall underground, severely battered and semi-hypnotized. The electromagnetic barrier around his abdomen prevented him from using his PAK, which probably explained why he was so sedated. He lifted his head only slightly when he heard the echo of boots hitting concrete. A spiky-haired silhouette rushed at him, and suddenly the barrier flickered out and died.

"I didn't know aliens used electrical outlets," came Dib's voice. When Zim finally saw him clearly, he was holding a two-pronged plug and munching on a hot dog. He finished his food and dropped the plug, then picked up the crowbar that lay at his feet. With one foot on the wall for balance, he slipped the hooked end of the crowbar under one of Zim's metal cuffs and pried it open with all his strength. He fell backwards to the floor with a thud.

"What are you DOING, stinkbeast?" Zim snapped as he undid the remainder of his bondage.

"What do you think, space freak?" Dib fired back. "I came back to rescue you. Would it kill you to show a little gratitude?"

Zim rubbed at his wrists. "I could have gotten out myself."

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because YOU did!"

"That made no sense."

"Neither does – "

"My head?" Dib interrupted.

Zim narrowed his eyes. "How did you KNOW what I was going to SAY?"

"Call it a hunch." Dib grabbed Zim by the arm. "Now let's get out of here before Tak sees us!"

End of part fifteen


	16. Careless Whispers

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Let go of me, DIB-MONKEY!" Zim yelled as Dib dragged him up the stairs.

"Be quiet!" Dib hissed. "Do you want Tak to hear us?"

That shut Zim up – for about two minutes. When they reached the ground-level floor, everything was pitch black, and the alien complained again.

"You IDIOT!" Zim screeched. "You unplugged the MAIN POWER SOURCE, didn't you?"

"How should I know? Besides, we can still get out, right?"

"ALL of the doors in here are powered by ELECTRICITY!"

"Oh." That would set them back…

"NONE OF THIS would have HAPPENED if YOU hadn't existed!"

"If I hadn't existed, YOU would still be a slave on some fast-food planet!" Dib pinned Zim to the wall by his shoulders. "And no one would care about you at all! I'm the only being in this entire universe who cares about you even a little!"

The human had no time to realize what slipped out of his mouth before an Irken hand came crashing across his face. "NO MORE OF YOUR LIES!"

"What was that for?" Dib put both hands to his injured cheek.

"Why must you RUIN EVERY future that you exist in?"

"What do you mean? It was your idea to come back. You didn't have to steal Tak's mission – you could have found some other planet to take over to please your leaders. At least half of this is your doing!"

Zim completely lost it. "YOU RUINED MY MISSION, YOU – " He screamed something in his native language " – So I came to get REVENGE ON YOU!"

Dib, lowering one hand from his face, spoke calmly for the sake of differentiation. "You never had a mission. And it's not my fault either way – it's fate. No matter what happens to us in the time-space continuum, we'll always end up crossing paths. Maybe we were enemies once, but we can be allies this time."

"Why would I want you as an ally?"

"Because you don't want me as your enemy." There was a hint of a threat in Dib's voice. "And if we're only going to end up enemies anyway, we might as well be friends until we fix the past back to the way it originally was."

"Never!" was on the tip of Zim's tongue, but his hand was still stinging from when he slapped Dib, which made him see that there was no point in fighting. "Fine. We can be 'friends' or whatever you said for now."

_Friends? _Dib had meant to say "allies," but "friendship" wasn't all that bad. He sighed and swallowed his anger. "I'm sorry I ruined your life or whatever. It's not like I meant to or anything."

"Eh, that's not important."

"Huh?" Zim's abrupt mood changes were beginning to freak Dib out.

"NEVER MIND!" Zim pulled his headlight hat out of his PAK and put it on.

"No, tell me," Dib pleaded. "You kept going on about it before."

"You're TRYING my patience again…"

"Sorry. I dunno why I'm talking so much – do I always talk this much?"

Zim took on a very Dib-like manner. "Well, it's not like I ever got to KNOW things about people – or HUMANS – and now I know YOU, and…it's different."

Dib was about to ask how it was different, but Zim continued. "This is why we Irkens don't socialize like this."

Suddenly, Dib understood the slap. "You've never had anyone care before, huh?"

"The Tallest care…enough to want me away."

"Don't you see, Zim?" cackled an all-too-familiar Irken voice. "The human loves you."

End of part sixteen


	17. Finally Out of That Stupid Place

By animeninjaNIPPON

"TAK!" Zim fumed. "What is that word you say to the MIGHTY ZIM?"

"How long have you been here?" Dib tried to change the subject.

"Since the lights went out on this level," Tak replied. "Your little argument amused me, so I stopped to listen." She opened her hand to reveal a pocket projector. "I scanned Zim's PAK while he was comatose, which enabled me to read deep into his personal thoughts. I made a copy of the ideas I thought would interest you, Dib." She spoke with such malice that Dib knew she was up to something. She pressed a button on the projector and a black screen with a green message came into view on the opposite wall. Zim froze.

"I can't read Irken," Dib confessed. Tak pressed a second button, and the screen fizzled for a second before translating into Dib's native alphabet.

Apparently, Zim had been keeping "Dib Files" on the terrestrial boy, in his own way. Most of it was translated phonetically, with random Irken slang thrown in between sentences, but the gist was still there:

_I find it HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS that the first creature I get to know personally happens to be almost like me (in an INFERIOR WORM BABY way). Perhaps it is a trap set by TAK...oh how I hate her... _The script went on for about five paragraphs griping about Tak, then went on to proclaim, _I pity this stinkbeast._

"Wow," Dib mused. "He really hates you, Tak."

"NO!" She threw the projector to the floor, smashing it and killing the image. "Can't you see? He has a weakness..."

"LIAR!" Zim proclaimed. "ZIM has no weaknesses!"

"This doesn't prove anything!" Dib shouted angrily. "You're theory on human affections are all mixed up! Of course he'd feel bad for me - we're friends! And if you don't mind, we gotta go save the world and stuff."

Tak burst out laughing. "You fool! Zim is already gone!"

Dib looked around - the light from Zim's hat was nowhere to be seen.

"So much for 'friendship,' huh?"

"He escaped from you."

"Oh, there's nothing he can do. Everything on your planet is already dead - it's too late to try and save it."

She chuckled again, but her laughter turned to a scream as the roof caved in on top of her, followed by her own enchanted spaceship.

"Dib-monkey, get in!" Zim called, and in the background Gir called out, "TAK goes SPLAT!"

"Wait a minute," Dib said. "I thought all the doors ran on electricity."

"So?"

"How'd you get out?"

"Eh...I dunno."

Without further ado, Zim extended a hand, and Dib, able to see it in the red light of Zim's hat, grabbed ahold and allowed himself to be pulled in.

As they blasted off into the remains of Earth's atmosphere, Dib cried out excitedly, "I'm finally out of that stupid place!"

Zim took off his hat and looked at Dib. "And you have ZIM to thank! You can REPAY me by telling me stuff about YOU!"

End of part seventeen


	18. Green Crush

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Look Zim..." Dib chose his words carefully. "There's not much more I can say. I already told you all the interesting stuff."

"Tell me why you got a big heeeaaad..." Gir begged.

Dib ignored the little robot, instead peering out of the spaceship to see the Earth below. The planet had become a cesspool of rotting humans, debris, and inedible snack products. Dib sighed sadly - his home was gone forever.

"Stop looking at that dirtball," Zim ordered. Reluctantly, the human boy shifted his gaze to the alien, who was fidgeting with a bag of Irken chips.

All of a sudden, Dib realized how hungry he was. "Are you going to share those?"

"ZIM doesn't share!" He tossed the chips over to his companion and took out a new bag from one of the ship's many compartments.

"Thank you," Dib replied.

"Huh?"

"I said, 'thank you.'"

"Yeah, whatever..." Zim opened his chips. "OK, I LIED. My boot size really IS six."

"Mmph?" Dib inquired through a mouthful of chips.

"Are you HAPPY? You know THE TRUTH!"

Dib swallowed his food and wiped off his mouth on his tattered sleeve. "My shoe size is seven. And there's nothing wrong with that."

Finally, they were having a civilized conversation. Gir was in the back, doing whatever he was doing, making a loud noise...

"GIR!" Zim screamed. "Get OUT of the mini-fridge!" He turned back to Dib. "Well, you know MY SECRET. Tell me YOURS!"

Zim's deepest, darkest secret was his shoe size? He could be lying, Dib figured, but at this point it didn't matter. "My secret? Well..." He blushed a little. "I kinda had a crush on Tak - but I don't anymore. I lost all interest in her when I found out she was evil and stuff."

"Crush? You wanted to crush her?"

"No, not like that - a 'crush' is when you like someone and you think they're interesting, so you want to talk with them and impress them, and think about them...it's kind of like love, but not as serious."

"So you want to 'crush' her by talking to her about yourself?"

"Uh...something like - NO, no, not like that! It's...all it means is, you think about someone a lot and want them to notice you 'cuz you like them, or something like that."

"OF COURSE!" Zim made a fist. "That is how I want to 'crush' YOU!"

Dib fell silent. Either Zim had a thing for him, or else Zim wanted to destroy him with overwhelming personal knowledge. Gir managed to pick up on the air of confusion and twist it into something ridiculous. "Aww, Dib makes Master feel all happy inside..."

Dib turned back to face Gir. "Where did you learn about that?"

"The SCARY MONKEY SHOW!" Gir fell backwards in a heap of laughter.

"Don't listen to HIM!" Zim growled. "Now, tell me how to make this ship go back into the past!"

"I, uh..." Dib reached into his trench coat pocket. "GAH! The notebook's gone! Zim, do you have it in that backpack of yours?"

"You LOST IT?" Zim grabbed Dib by the remains of his blue T-shirt. "You STUPID, STINKING MEATBAG! Now we'll be stuck in this nightmare FOREVER!"

"What's your problem, Zim?" Dib pried Zim's little hand off his shirt. "First you say you like me, now you hate me again! Make up your mind!"

"We're SUPPOSED to be enemies!" Zim ignored the fact that Dib was still holding his wrist. "You're the one making me FEEL like this! YOU did this to me!"

Well, Zim may have changed his opinion of Dib slightly, but he certainly didn't change his impulsive demeanor. Dib grinned like a smart-aleck.

"No I didn't - " He rolled his empty bag of chips into a ball with his free hand and chucked it playfully at Zim. "I did THAT to you. What do you say now, alien?"

Zim narrowed his eyes. "You DARE to - "

"Assault the Mighty Zim?" Dib finished.

"You...DIB!" He tore away from Dib's grasp and directed his attention to his SIR unit. "GIR! Help me devise a way to mes with the time-space continuum!"

"OK, Master!" In response, Gir chucked a book at Zim's head. Zim picked the book up to examine it.

Dib recognized it immediately. "The Zim Files!"

"Gir, you're a GENIUS!" Zim immediately began flipping through it to find the page with the time warp instructions.

Dib looked outside again, only to realize that he was surrounded by infinite universe. Everything felt so unreal, and yet, like destiny was finally falling into place. Any minute now, they would go back in time...

"CURSE YOU, STUPID BOOK OF...STUPIDITY!"

Dib turned his head just in time to be hit with the notebook. "Ow! Zim!"

"The book says NOTHING of use!" Zim slumped back in his seat.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! It does not tell HOW to make the ship go back in time!"

"Hmm..." Dib yawned and stretched a little. "I'm tired."

"Why do you humans do that SLEEP thing, anyway?"

"To...recharge our energy."

"Do ALL humans SLEEP?"

"Yeah. Why - don't Irkens sleep?"

"There is no TIME for such things! We Irkens are trained to SERVE!"

"Oh..." Dib yawned again. "Well, I have to sleep now. Good night."

Zim watched the big-headed boy curl up into a ball with his hands beneath his slightly bruised cheek. "Good night to you, Dib-worm."

As a last thought before drifting off, Dib mumbled, "Call me by my real name."

End of part eighteen


	19. Kissing to be Clever

By animeninjaNIPPON

All right readers, the moment you've all been waiting for...or not. This story keeps going back-and-forth between ZADR, ZADF, and both of them being enemies. This chapter contains ROMANCE...of sorts.

* * *

Dib woke up with a slight headache. Zim was eating a bag of Irken curly fries. Gir popped up in Dib's face, offering him a brainfreezy. "It's GOOD!" he promised.

Still half-asleep, Dib took the freezy with a nod of gratitude toward the robot. Zim grumbled, "About TIME you stopped SLEEPING!"

"Good morning to you too, Zim." Dib sipped the freezy. "If it even is morning..." He noted that they were still in space. A long silence followed. "Hey Zim...what do you think you'd really be doing if we'd never met?"

"For your INFORMATION - " Zim began, then figured there was no sense in lying about his status and replied hurriedly, "Working for Sizz-Lorr."

"Well, it's probably better than what my life would have been - I mean, at least you get to meet other aliens." Dib sipped the freezy again as Zim pondered this new information. "Me, I'd just stay on Earth, looking for signs of the paranormal and failing every time...Probably never go to prom, or kiss a girl, or even- "

"Prom? Kiss?" Zim inquired. "What IS all THIS?"

"Oh yeah - uh, prom is just like a dance party thingy at skool." Again, Dib drank from the frozen beverage, rather savoring the taste.

"And what is 'kiss'? Is that a dance?"

"No, it's..." Dib tried to explain a kiss, but recalling what he found out when he defined a crush, he began to get a little nervous. "It's something humans do when they like each other."

"Does it involve 'crushing'?" Zim slammed his fist into his palm to illustrate his point.

"Sort of. It's actually more involved than that - you have to know the person reeeaaally well..." Dib thought he sounded like an idiot, so he cut to the chase. "They - put their mouths together." He could feel his face heat up.

"EWW!" Zim made a face. "Why do you DO such disgusting rituals?"

"I dunno...it's supposed to feel good."

"You LIE!"

"I don't know! I've never done such a thing! I've only heard stories!"

"Well, if it is so GOOD," Zim sneered, "PROVE IT!"

Dib dropped his brainfreezy in shocked stupor. "You want me to KISS you? But - but you're - you're - "

"YOU are the LAST REMAINING HUMAN!" Zim answered. "Who's going to KNOW?"

"Well, it goes like this, I think..." Dib put his arms around Zim's shoulders, much to the Irken's discontent.

"What are you DOING?" Zim ducked out of the partial embrace.

"You wanted me to show you what a kiss is like." Dib kept reminding himself, _We'll find a way to correct the past, this would never have happened anyway, this is probably my only chance, and we ARE friends...Whoa, where did THAT come from? _He made the wise choice to stop thinking and just do what he was going to do.

"OK, try it again, worm baby." Zim sat up straight again.

Dib repositioned his arm around Zim. "If I'm doing this favor for you, YOU have to call me by my name!"

"DIB. There - are you HAPPY?"

Dib slipped his other arm around Zim's waist and shifted so he was pressed against the alien. "Close your eyes..."

Zim did so, and as he did he heard his robot helper shriek, "AAAAH! Master, he gonna EAT YOU!"

"AAH!" Zim opened his eyes and broke away again.

"Gir, can you close your eyes and count to a thousand in Portuguese?" Dib asked. "Please?"

Gir complied, and Dib decided to try a different approach. He leaned against his side of the ship and lightly brushed Zim's arm with his hand. "OK, come here."

Dib gave an awkward smile as Zim turned to him. Zim crawled up to Dib, where he was greeted by the human's embrace. Dib could feel his own heart beating and his body shaking, and so could Zim. "Dib. Are you having a seizure?"

"What? No - I'm just nervous..."

"Is that normal?"

"For a first kiss - yes." Dib placed his hand on Zim's shoulder. "Don't you feel nervous?"

"IRKEN INVADERS do not FEEL SUCH THINGS!" Zim proudly replied.

"Well, I'm not an Irken or and Invader!"

"Dib." Zim put his own arm around Dib's neck, resting his other hand against the human's chest. "I think I can do this now."

"OK..." Dib closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Zim. "Wait - "

"NOW WHAT?" Zim released Dib entirely.

Dib let Zim go. "Aren't you affected by water?"

"So..."

"Well, the chemical make-up for human saliva includes water, and... Won't that kill you?"

"I don't know." Zim was starting to freak out.

"Well...only one way to find out..."

"HEY!" Zim complained. "You WANT to kill me!"

"No, that's why I stopped!"

"But you want to kiss me..."

"Yes! I mean, no! Wait, I mean, as long as you're not going to suck out my soul or anything like that!"

"I can DO THAT? COOL!"

"NOT cool! I'm your friend!"

"Oh. Right." Zim looked ahead into outer space.

"We have a world - no, a universe to save." Dib placed his hand over Zim's. "Until we know for sure that we won't kill each other by kissing, we can't kiss each other until after we fix the past."

"Eh, I guess that makes sense." Zim looked over at Dib and ended up looking right into his amber eyes. At that moment, Zim finally realized what nervousness was like - well, in the same way Dib was feeling it.

Said human leaned in closer to Zim. "Or we can try it now..."

"I DID IT!" Gir came crashing down between the two would-be lovebirds. "Where's my prize?"

"Uh..." Dib reached down to the floor to see if he could scavenge up anything he could present to Gir. His fingers closed in around a small piece of paper. "What's this?"

He picked it up and looked at it. "ZIM, LOOK! It's the time warp directions!"

"Does this mean..."

"YES!" Dib nearly jumped out of his seat. "We can go back in time!"

End of part nineteen


	20. Back to the Beginning II

By animeninjaNIPPON

"Step one," Dib read aloud. "Turn the blue hand to the number of years you desire to travel back (up to twelve years). If you wish to travel forward, pull down the 'future lock' on the lower right, after setting the time."

"How many Earth years?" Zim asked.

"Just one," Dib replied. "Step two: Turn the green hand to the number of days you wish to travel back (up to 60 days). And don't touch the 'future lock.'"

"I KNOW!" Zim tinkered with the time warp. "What ELSE?"

"Step three: Turn the red hand back to the number of hours…"

"How many days and hours?"

"Umm…" He had no idea. "I'll say, six days. And forward three hours."

Zim set the days, then set the number of hours to go forward by pushing the future lock on the last entry. "Now what?"

"Shift into reverse to go back in time and regular to go forward."

"And AWAY we GO!" Zim reached for the controls, but Dib stopped him.

"Wait." Dib looked forlornly at Zim. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Are you CRAZY, Dib-human?" Zim narrowed one eye in suspicion.

"In the new future, we won't be friends anymore. I don't really have any other friends, and I like you…do you want to lose all that?"

Zim was compelled to knock some sense into the human's oversized head. "In the FUTURE, things will be BETTER for BOTH of us! And who SAYS we won't be friends LATER? After all, our meeting was FATE or DESTINY or whatever you said."

Dib smiled. "You're right, Zim."

Gir giggled. "BACK to the BEGINNING!"

Zim shifted into a dizzying reverse that caused the universe around them to morph into a lysergic sea of color and fiber-optic style effects. Needless to say, everyone screamed.

The backwards shift ended with a crash. Dib reopened his eyes and looked around. "My house…this is my house."

"So, we MADE IT?" Zim asked excitedly. "YES! We SAVED THE UNIVERSE!"

Gir did his little happy dance.

"Wait," Dib said. "We haven't done anything yet. And it's the middle of the night – we're early. Or too late…"

Just then, he heard a familiar voice screech, "I'm telling you, I saw Bigfoot out there!"

"OK, that answers that," Dib concluded. "We're early. If we were late, I'd be talking about you."

"I KNEW you were obsessed with me!" Zim mumbled inaudibly.

"What'd you say?"

"I said, 'You Earth-monkeys will cower in FEAR and STUPIDITY at the mention of the NAME OF ZIM!"

"Oh." Dib looked out the window, relieved to see trees, houses, and roadkill outside. "I'm not obsessed."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not!"

"You ARE!"

Gir opened up the mini-fridge to prepare for the long night ahead.

End of part twenty


	21. Waiting for Tomorrow

By animeninjaNIPPON

They had a long time to wait until morning came, leaving plenty of time for Dib to think. He sat upright in his seat, next to Gir, occasionally glancing nervously over at his Irken counterpart. Zim looked at no one as he ate an Irken sandwich in silence. Thus, Dib began his inner musings:

_OK, I know he was supposed to be my enemy in the…past. Maybe he's a little mixed up on the "crushing" thing, like Tak was…but he is definitely my friend now, I think. As for anything more, well, I dunno. He's 7.25 times my age, or so he says…_ "Hey, wait a second."

"Hmph?" Zim swallowed his mouthful of sandwich and looked over at Dib.

"How much faster do Irken years go by than Earth years?"

"How should I know? ZIM was trained to be an INVADER, not a SCHOLAR!" Zim paused to think, stroking his chin. "WHY?"

"Because if you think about it, in Earth years, you could be about my age."

"What does THAT have to do with anything? Have your brainmeats gone rotten, Dib-monkey?"

"Why do you call me that? Isn't it easier just to say my name?"

Zim fell silent for a moment. All of a sudden, he sprung frantically from his seat. "Oh NO! I just remembered something!"

"What?"

Zim sank back into his seat to reminisce. "Back on that day I came here, I saw TWO OF YOU! We'll have to face an ARMY!"

"Huh?" Dib pondered that new piece of information, imagining a fleet of twenty or so little Dibs running around and chasing Zim. "Hold on…I remember that day! Come to think of it, I'm sure I saw someone that looked sort of like me – well, from the back, and only for a second. But I was on my way to the bathroom, and I found the 'Zim Files.' Maybe that guy was the future me, and he dropped the notebook!"

"But what about the ARMY?" Zim demanded.

"There is no army – but we do have a problem. We can't let the me from the past get that notebook! It would just complicate things further."

"Good thinking, worm baby – you can retrieve the notebook. Leave the ARMY to the AMAZING ZIM!" He shook his fist proudly.

Dib sighed. "No. I have a better idea."

"Are you saying that YOU could possibly be smarter than – "

"Just listen." He reached across Gir's head to grab Zim's shoulder. Gir jumped back into the mini-fridge area just as Dib pulled Zim down.

Meanwhile, past Dib slept serenely in his blue-tinted bedroom. Not even the scraping sounds outside woke him up.

"Hey, WATCH it!" Zim leaned against the side of Dib's house on his spider legs, holding the human up to his bedroom window.

"Sorry," Dib apologized. "Are you sure this ketchup won't melt?" He brandished a packet of Irken ketchup and squeezed it until a little of the red stuff flowed out, then proceeded to write a backwards message across the glass with it.

"Are you SURE this will work?" Zim winced under Dib's weight.

"Knowing me, it has to." Dib tossed the empty packet aside. "OK, I'm done."

Once they descended, a band of pink stretched across the horizon. "We don't have much time," Dib exclaimed. "Zim, do you still have your old human disguise?"

"Of course!" Zim pulled his old wig and contacts out of his PAK. Despite the fact that he hadn't worn them in twenty Irken years, they were still in good condition.

"OK, I've got a plan. It's crazy, but it might work…" Dib leaned in closer to Zim. "First, I'll need you to remember as much as you can about that day you went to my skool…"

End of part twenty-one

* * *

Yeah, I know this is a long story. It ends at chapter twenty-five, though. So far, this is the longest fic I've ever written.

animeninjaNIPPON


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